If the old house in Richmond is haunted after I die, it will certainly be haunted by my ghost. During the time Estella lived there, I spent so many days and nights wandering around that house in my mind. Even when I was elsewhere, my spirit was always there with her.
Estella lived with a widow named Mrs. Brandley and her daughter. They were social people who visited many friends. Estella didn’t seem to care much for them, but she needed them to introduce her to society. Mrs. Brandley had been a friend of Miss Havisham for a long time.
In that house, I suffered. Estella treated me with familiarity, but never with love. She used me to make her other admirers jealous. We were close enough to call each other by our first names, but this only made my pain worse. It made me feel further away from her than ever.
Estella had many admirers. My jealousy made me suspicious of every man who went near her, but there were truly many of them. I followed her to picnics, the theater, the opera, and parties. These were all meant to be pleasures, but for me, they were miseries. I was never happy in her company, yet I could not stop thinking about being with her forever.
Sometimes, Estella seemed to pity me. One evening, as we sat by a window in Richmond, she said, "Pip, will you never take warning?"
"Warning of what?" I asked.
"Of me. If you don't realize that you should stay away from me, you are blind."
I wanted to tell her that I loved her, but I always felt that I couldn't press her. I knew she was only obeying Miss Havisham’s orders, and I didn't want to hurt her pride.
"I didn't take any warning today," I said, "because you wrote and asked me to come."
"That’s true," she said with a cold smile. She then told me that Miss Havisham wanted her to visit Satis House for a day. I was to take her there and bring her back.
Two days later, we went to Satis House. Nothing had changed; it was still dark and decaying. Miss Havisham was even more obsessed with Estella than before. She hugged her and stared at her beauty as if she wanted to devour her.
Miss Havisham asked me, "How does she treat you, Pip? How does she treat you?" She asked this even while Estella was listening. At night, by the fire, Miss Havisham made Estella repeat the names of all the men who were in love with her. I realized then that Estella was Miss Havisham’s weapon for revenge. She was sent out to attract men and then break their hearts. I felt degraded, but I still believed that, in the end, Estella was being saved for me.
During this visit, something strange happened: Estella and Miss Havisham had an argument. It was the first time I had ever seen them disagree. As Miss Havisham held Estella’s arm tightly, Estella tried to pull away.
"What!" Miss Havisham cried. "Are you tired of me?"
"Only a little tired of myself," Estella replied coldly.
"You are ungrateful!" Miss Havisham shouted, hitting her stick on the floor. "You are tired of me!"
Estella looked at her calmly. "Do you blame me for being cold?" she asked. "You should know why I am this way. I am exactly what you made me. Take the praise or take the blame; I am your creation."
"I gave you everything!" Miss Havisham cried. "I gave you my love!"
"You gave me your lessons," Estella retorted. "You taught me to be hard. You taught me to be proud. You praised me every time I learned to show no feeling. How can you now be angry because I am proud and hard toward you?"
Miss Havisham began to moan and cry, rocking back and forth in her chair. It was a terrible sight. I left the room and walked in the dark garden for an hour, feeling depressed. When I returned, they were quiet again, but I could feel a new sense of fear in Miss Havisham’s manner toward Estella.
I must also mention Bentley Drummle. One night at our club, the "Finches," Drummle stood up and toasted a "peerless beauty" named Estella of Richmond. I was furious. I told him he knew nothing about her and we almost fought a duel. The next day, he proved he had danced with her several times.
It hurt me deeply to think that Estella would show any favor to a man as stupid and mean as Drummle. I soon discovered that Drummle—the "Spider," as Mr. Jaggers called him—was following her everywhere.
At a ball in Richmond, I finally spoke to her about it. "Estella, why do you let that man hang around you? Everyone despises him. He is stupid and ill-tempered."
"Moths hover around a candle," she said. "Can the candle help it?"
"But you encourage him," I said. "You give him looks and smiles that you never give to me!"
Estella turned to me with a serious look. "Do you want me to deceive you and trap you, Pip?"
"Do you deceive and trap him, Estella?"
"Yes," she said. "I trap all of them. All of them—except you."
With those words, she left me. I didn't realize it then, but a great change was coming. For years, a heavy weight had been prepared to fall on my head. All the work had been done, and the moment was finally here. In an instant, the roof of my world was about to collapse.