It is very painful when everything becomes quiet after a big event. Justine Moritz died and she was at rest. But Victor Frankenstein was still alive. I felt a heavy weight of remorse (a very strong feeling of sadness because you did something wrong) in my heart. Nothing could remove this feeling.
I could not sleep at night. I felt like an evil spirit. I did terrible things. I began my life with good plans and I wanted to help people. But now my heart was full of guilt. I felt like I was in a place of torture.
I became very sick again. I did not want to see other people. I did not want to hear happy sounds. I only wanted to be alone in the dark. Solitude was my only friend.
Alphonse Frankenstein saw my sadness. He wanted me to be brave. He said, "Victor, I am also sad because I loved William." Alphonse Frankenstein had tears in his eyes as he spoke. He said we must be strong for our family. He said too much sadness was not good for a man.
This was good advice, but I could not follow it. I was not just sad. I felt a terrible remorse and fear. I looked at Alphonse Frankenstein with despair. Then I tried to hide from him.
Soon, the family moved to our house in Belrive. I liked this change. In the city of Geneva, the gates closed at ten o'clock. In Belrive, I was free to go out at night. I often took a boat onto the lake.
Sometimes the wind moved my boat. Sometimes I used the oars to go to the middle of the lake. I was very unhappy. I thought about jumping into the water. I wanted the water to cover me and my problems forever.
But I thought of Elizabeth Lavenza. I loved Elizabeth Lavenza very much. I also thought of Alphonse Frankenstein and my brother. I could not leave them alone. The monster was still alive and dangerous. I had to protect them from the creature.
I cried and I wanted peace. But my guilt destroyed every hope. I was afraid the monster would kill again. I hated the creature very much. I wanted to find him and kill him. I wanted to get revenge (the act of hurting someone because they hurt you first) for William and Justine Moritz.
Our house was a house of sadness. Alphonse Frankenstein was very sick because he was worried. Elizabeth Lavenza was also very sad. She did not enjoy her work anymore. She did not smile like she did before.
Elizabeth Lavenza spoke to me about Justine Moritz. She said the world was a different place now. Before, she only read about bad things in books. Now, she saw misery in her own home. She said some men were like monsters.
Elizabeth Lavenza knew Justine Moritz was innocent. She said a person must be very evil to kill a child for a few jewels. She was glad Victor Frankenstein believed Justine Moritz was innocent too. She said the real murderer was free in the world. She said she would rather die than be the killer.
I felt a terrible pain when Elizabeth Lavenza spoke. I was the reason Justine Moritz died. Elizabeth Lavenza saw my face and took my hand. She told me to be calm. She said my face showed too much despair and anger.
"Victor, please stop these dark thoughts," Elizabeth Lavenza said. "Your friends love you and they need you. We are in a beautiful land of peace. We can be happy if we love each other." I was afraid the monster was near her at that moment.
Her words did not help me. I felt like a hurt animal that was dying. Sometimes my feelings were too strong. I decided to leave my home for a short time. I went to the mountains to forget my problems. I went to the valley of Chamounix.
I went to a place I knew as a boy. I was very sad, but the mountains did not change. First, I rode a horse. Then, I used a mule (an animal like a horse with long ears that is good at walking on rocks). It was the middle of August.
I went deep into the mountains. I saw large rocks and a loud river. I saw big waterfalls. The power of nature was very great. I began to feel less afraid. The valley was very beautiful and surprising.
I saw old castles on the rocks. I saw small houses among the trees. The Alps were very big and white. They looked like they belonged to another world. I crossed a bridge and went up the mountain.
I entered the valley of Chamounix. It was a wonderful place. I saw huge glaciers (large rivers of ice that move very slowly). I heard the sound of an avalanche (a large amount of snow and ice falling down a mountain). I saw the great mountain called Mont Blanc.
Sometimes I felt a little happy during the journey. I remembered my life as a boy. The wind was gentle. But then I remembered my guilt again. I felt like a prisoner of my sadness. I rode my animal faster to forget the world.
Finally, I arrived at the village of Chamounix. I was very tired in my body and my mind. I looked out the window at the lightning on Mont Blanc. I listened to the sound of the river. Then I went to bed and I finally slept.