My life as an apprentice became a regular routine. Nothing much changed, except for my birthday. Every year on that day, I went to visit Miss Havisham. Sarah Pocket always opened the gate for me, and I always found Miss Havisham in the same dark room. She looked like a ghost that never changed.
Each year, she gave me a guinea and told me to come back on my next birthday. I tried to refuse the money once, but she became very angry and asked if I expected more. After that, I always took it. In that house, time seemed to have stopped. While I grew older, Miss Havisham and her house stayed exactly the same. The place always made me feel the same way: I hated my trade as a blacksmith and I felt ashamed of my home.
However, I began to notice a change in Biddy. She started to look much neater; her hair was bright, and her hands were always clean. She wasn’t a great beauty like Estella, but she was pleasant, kind, and very smart.
One evening, I was busy writing to improve my education. I looked up and saw Biddy watching me.
"Biddy," I said, "how do you do it? You are so clever. You have learned everything that I have learned, and you always keep up with me."
Biddy smiled quietly. "I suppose I just catch it, like a cold," she said, continuing with her sewing.
I realized then that Biddy was an extraordinary girl. She knew as much about the forge and our tools as I did. She had never had a real chance to study, yet she had improved herself so much. I felt a little guilty. I realized I hadn't been grateful enough to her.
"Biddy," I said, "we should talk more, like we used to. Let’s go for a walk on the marshes this Sunday and have a long chat."
On Sunday, the weather was beautiful. Joe stayed home to look after my sister, and Biddy and I walked out toward the river. As we sat on the bank, watching the ships sail by, I decided to tell Biddy my secret.
"Biddy," I said, "I want to be a gentleman."
"Oh, I wouldn't if I were you," she replied gently. "Don't you think you are happier as you are?"
"No!" I exclaimed. "I am not happy at all. I am disgusted with my life at the forge."
Biddy looked sad. "That’s a pity, Pip."
"I know it's a pity," I said, pulling at the grass. "If I could only be satisfied with this life, we could have been so happy. I would have been a partner with Joe, and I might have... well, I might have spent my life with you. I would have been good enough for you, wouldn't I, Biddy?"
"Yes," Biddy sighed. "But I am not very difficult to please."
"But instead," I continued, "I am miserable. And I only feel common and coarse because someone told me that I was."
Biddy looked at me very closely. "Who said that to you?"
"The beautiful young lady at Miss Havisham’s house," I admitted. "I admire her so much, and I want to be a gentleman for her."
Biddy was quiet for a moment. "Do you want to be a gentleman to make her like you, or just to show her that you are better than she thinks?"
"I don't know," I said moodily.
"If you want to show her you are better, then the best thing is to ignore her words," Biddy said wisely. "And if you want to make her like you, then she isn't worth the trouble."
I knew Biddy was right, but it didn't change how I felt. I was so frustrated that I put my head in my hands. Biddy didn't argue with me anymore. She just put her hand on my shoulder to comfort me.
"I’m glad you told me, Pip," she said. "You can trust me to keep your secret."
I got up and kissed Biddy on the cheek. "I shall always tell you everything, Biddy."
"Until you’re a gentleman," she whispered.
As we walked home in the evening light, I wondered if I was making a mistake. Biddy was kind and steady. She never tried to hurt me. I knew that if Estella were there instead of Biddy, she would only make me miserable. I said to myself, "Pip, you are a fool."
"Biddy," I said as we walked, "I wish I could fall in love with you. That would be the best thing for me."
"But you never will," Biddy said. She sounded very sure about it.
When we got near the village, Orlick suddenly jumped out from behind a gate.
"Halloa!" he growled. "Where are you two going?"
"We’re going home," I said.
"Then I’ll walk with you," he said with a strange grin.
Biddy whispered to me, "Don’t let him come. I don't like him." I told Orlick we didn't need his company, but he just laughed and followed us at a distance.
"Why don't you like him, Biddy?" I asked.
"I think... I think he likes me," she said nervously. "He doesn't say anything, but he follows me and watches me whenever he can."
I felt very angry. I didn't like the idea of Orlick liking Biddy at all. Even though I was obsessed with Estella, I felt very protective of Biddy.
For the next few months, my mind was a mess. Sometimes I thought Biddy was much better than Estella, and I felt proud of my honest life at the forge. I felt like I could be happy with Joe and Biddy forever. But then, I would remember Miss Havisham and Estella, and all my peace would disappear. I kept hoping that one day, Miss Havisham would change my life and make me a gentleman.
I thought my apprenticeship would go on like this forever. But as it turned out, it was about to end much sooner than I expected.